Mr. Ward

STOP THE WORLD! COLDPLAY HAS A NEW ALBUM!

If you are a music fan (especially rock), you want to be up on the latest thing. Sometimes however, you miss an artist’s first album and then never really latch on afterwards. This is what happened to me with Coldplay. There is no way I could ever buy all the music I want. I have to pick and choose; and apparently I chose something else in 2000.

This post was originally going to be about the incredible hoopla surrounding the release of Coldplay’s latest album. All the hipsters’ hearts are ready to burst through their vintage t-shirts and the critics are tearing through the thesaurus to try to find adjectives to describe how great it is, even before they have actually heard it. I can’t open a magazine without a mention of it and Apple is using them for their new iTunes ad. I was going to talk about how I sometimes resent being told I have to like a certain artist or I’m not cool or don’t know music. This happened to me in the 80’s with REM and U2 (it’s only in the past 10 years I’ve been able to enjoy either band). Chris Martin is being lifted up as the next Bono and his face is everywhere.

Don’t get me wrong; I have no doubt this band is incredibly talented and makes great music. For all I know, “Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends” will be the biggest selling album ever and change music for the next 30 years. Even though I’m sick of hearing about Martin’s personal life; I hope he and Gwyneth have a veritable rainbow of fruit flavored children and live happily ever after. It’s just that I feel overexposed for them. Anyway, that’s what this post was going to be.

However, with the cover story (“Confessions of an Anxious Rock God”) and new interview (“The Jesus of Uncool”) in Rolling Stone magazine, it has to be about something else. As is evident from the titles, Martin has now been elevated to deity status. Again, not his fault, but the critics and rock scribes have placed all their hopes and dreams on him. If you don’t believe me, read the first two paragraphs of the article. I can’t decide if the author is describing Martin or their ideal lover; it’s practically orgasmic. I think placing him on this level might be due to the fact that Bono is falling out of favor because he talks too much about God and actually likes George W. Bush. That last point is a good place for a transition to what my new complaint is. Here is a quote from the article when discussing Barak Obama:

“But I think that, really, the fair thing would be, in electing the American president, to let everyone in the world vote, because it affects all of us. If there was a world vote, there’s no question who would win. No question.”

What the @#$%&* is that!? First, why should I care what a citizen of another country thinks of our country? Second, does he have no understanding of the term “sovereign nation”? Third, if American politics affect everyone else, it is because they have allowed it to. Fourth, has Martin polled the entire world about their political preference? “No question”; do we not even get the standard plus or minus 3 percent? Finally, why are we even asking him about an American presidential candidate in the first place. He’s a musician; ask him about music! In my sphere, Martin has moved from an overexposed annoyance to a blithering idiot.